Bike Night in Northeast PA

It’s Tuesday night, which means it's “Bike Night” in Northeast PA. If you or your significant other own a motorcycle and live within driving distance of Wilkes Barre, then you know what I mean.

Ok well maybe it is Bike Night at my house. Apparently there are multiple nights when one can drive their big surrogate you-know-what to some bar where they hope they will see scantily clad girls that they can pretend are real sluts who need it “bad.” And your man is just the guy to give it to them, not that he will. He just likes to think they are checking him out and thinking that they wish they could have him. And why wouldn’t the girls be thinking that? I mean he just drove in there on his Super Cool Man Machine! What’s not to want?!

You know that in real life your guy is actually an accountant, but on Bike Night he is transformed. He’s a Hell’s Angel. And you, if you are nice enough to go with him, you become Pamela Anderson. And not just any Pamela Anderson, Pamela Anderson as we know her in the infamous Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson Internet video – the ultimate Bike Goddess.

If you don’t go with him, you also know what you are; you are a Bike Night Widow. A Bike Night Widow is a lot like a Golf Widow. I’m a Bike Night Widow most Tuesday nights when the weather is good. Who really wants to sit on the back of a Harley all the way down to Wilkes Barre from Scranton? Not me.

Being a Bike Night Widow has its perks. For instance, all that time alone gave me the opportunity to start this blog. Also, Bike Night could be (not that I’ve done this yet but just thinking about it makes me happy) a night where you watch chick flicks and eat ice cream without your man looking sideways at you causing you to be aware of his fears about how that ice cream is going to make you feel fat, which is going to put a damper on your sex life, which as you know is his number one priority.

As you will recall from my “Produce Aisle Posturing” entry, I have a vivid imagination, and I do enjoy making up stories. And seeing as most nights I don’t actually attend Bike Night, what I write here is a representation of what I imagine is happening at Bike Night. And, if I didn’t think my kid might read this, I could really give you some juicy details…but alas, I can’t.

In a future entry, I promise to review some of these places. Maybe I’ll even tell you the true story of the Ladies Hot Dog Eating Contest that I once witnessed, which consists of trying to bite a hot dog that is hanging from a string as you ride by it on the back of your man’s bike. This experience is especially entertaining when the girls wear mini skirts and thongs for the big event, which a LOT of them do (not surprisingly).

Here is a list of establishments that sponsor Bike Nights in our area. If you want to be added to the list or you have a suggestion of a place that should be on the list, please email me.

Kildare’s in Scranton - Mondays
Outsiders Saloon, Inc. in Wilkes Barre – Tuesdays
Quaker Steak and Lube in Dickson City - Wednesdays
Damon’s in Clarks Summit – Thursdays
Lone Star in Wilkes Barre - Thursdays
Bentleys in Ashley (2300 Routh 309) - Sundays July 26 and Aug 2, 2009 from 2 to 8 pm
Spurs in Pittston - Sundays