She Will Think You Are a God

Being a freakishly ugly individual, I have found it necessary to acquire certain skills in order to have the opportunity to make myself even marginally more appealing to women. I have learned that you can always, literally always, count on a woman being impressed by a delicious meal prepared from scratch by her boyfriend or husband. Armed with this knowledge, I have developed a small arsenal of recipes. These are nearly fool proof, sure-fire crowd pleasers that require very little effort and use easily obtainable, inexpensive ingredients.  Today I will impart the first in what will be an intermittent series of recipes designed for guys (or girls) with no skills in the kitchen and a desire (or need) to impress their current (or potential) mate. I give you...Penne with Roasted Red Pepper Sauce.

I'll start with the ingredients. I usually shop at Wegman's, where everything on this list is a regular stock item.

For Sauce:

1 15.5 oz jar of Melissa's Fire Roasted Sweet Red Bell Peppers (other brands OK, but these are really consistently good)

1 medium onion chopped finely

4 to 8 cloves of finely chopped garlic depending on how much you like it. I use 8

2 tablespoons of olive oil for sautéing

1/2 pint of heavy cream

For Garnish:

A few sprigs of Fresh Basil (not necessary but makes a GREAT presentation)

Locatelli Grated Romano Cheese (accept no substitutes!, well you can use another brand, but this is the absolute best)

1 pound box of penne style pasta.

OK, the preparation is really easy, and you can do the sauce in advance if you want. If however you want to do it on the same day, no problem, it will only take about 40 min or so from start to finish.

To start, put the water on to boil for the pasta. I like to liberally salt the water and add a splash of olive oil to prevent the pasta from sticking. While you are waiting for the water to boil, you can start the sauce.

Heat the olive oil in a large nonstick frying pan over medium high heat and sauté the onion and garlic together until the garlic just begins to turn golden and the onion is transparent, it should smell great. Take it off the heat and set aside.

Now you can drain the water from the peppers and then add all of the peppers as well as the cooked onion and garlic to a blender. Then pulse the blender until the veggies reduce to a smooth puree. This shouldn't take long at all. Now add the puree to the same pan you cooked the onion and garlic in and put on medium low heat and add the half pint of cream. You should let the sauce cook for at least 10 minutes from this point. Stir this occasionally while it is bubbling and turn your attention to the pasta. 

Once the pasta is done you can drain and plate it and spoon some of the beautifully colored sauce over it. If you decided to pop for the fresh basil, you can add a sprig to each plate now and serve. Make sure you don't forget to pass the Locatelli cheese!

This meal would go great with a salad and a nice glass of red wine. The rest, as they say, is up to you. Let me know what you think. 

Wings + Beer = Happy

SAD UPDATE: JUNIOR'S IS NO MORE...

It happens to us all eventually... We just weren't ready to let the weekend slip away. It was 9:30 on Sunday night and I decided that it was high time to make a beer and wing run. But where to go on a Sunday night can be a daunting question indeed. Then I remembered seeing the sign on Rt 6&11 in Clarks Summit for Junior's Chicken and Ribs, in the spot previously occupied by the now defunct Hemispheres. I looked up the number and called, sure enough they were open... I was off like a shot.

Once I arrived at Junior's, I was absolutely delighted at the beer selection. They have dozens of varieties, from the mega-brewers like Miller and Bud to an incredibly diverse selection of regional beers and microbrews. I also spied and made a mental note of some mini kegs in the lower right cooler. Half of my goal had been achieved, now I merely had to order my wings, but with at least 10 sauces to choose from, this was no small task. Un-adventurously, I decided on the medium Buffalo style and I was not disappointed. I had a Hoegarden and squirmed for 10 minutes as I watched The Sean Hannity Show on Faux News on the flat screen TV in the dining room while waiting for my order.

When I arrived home, we tore into both the beers and the wings. The wings were good, not great, but good. I would imagine that they would be a lot better if eaten in the dining room as they steamed a little in the takeout container and that made them not crispy at all. This is a universal problem when taking out wings. But I do not hold that against Junior's and will definitely go back to try some of the other menu items...pulled pork anyone?

Junior's Chicken and Ribs

639 Northern Boulevard

South Abington Township, Pa 18411

(570) 585-RIBS (7427)

UPDATE: Juniors is no more...

Electric City Roasting Invades West Scranton

The local java juggernaut that is The Electric City Roasting Company has opened its long awaited second retail venue at the new Fidelity Bank Branch office in Westside. The new location is staffed by familiar faces and retains much the same beverage menu as Zummo's with an understandably more limited food selection. A notable difference between Zummo's and the Fidelity cafe is the lack of a Clover machine which has been replaced with a novel Drip Bar that provided an astoundingly delicious cup to this humble devotee. Hats off to Mary Tellie and the ECR crew!

Electric City Roasting Cafe (at Fidelity Bank)
400 South Main Avenue
Scranton, PA 18504

UPDATE: ECR Closed this location. It is now a Krispy Kreme.

Grazie Carmella's

I woke up this morning with the best of intentions. I was going to make some coffee, get dressed, and go rent a combine with which to cut my lawn. Then I put on some music and so inspired was I that I decided instead to get Cuba Sugar and go to Zummo's for an egg sandwich and a cup of coffee. I got the coffee, but was once again foiled in my attempt to secure the sandwich. I can't even begin to count the number of times that I have gone there only to find that they had run out of the lovely egg, sausage, and cheese laden beauties. I find it amazing that they should EVER run out of an item like that, much less than by 10 or so on a Sunday morning, but that is perhaps a subject for another posting. I really love Zummo's, and was delighted to learn about their soon to be opened West Scranton Fidelity Bank location, but they seriously need to rethink their food requirement projections. It is said that every cloud has a silver lining, and out of the dearth of biscuits this morning was born a most delightful encounter with a sfogliatelle in Westside.

I had been wanting to try Carmella's on Main Avenue near Jackson Street for some time now, and the disappointment regarding the egg sandwich was just the nudge that I needed. The first thing I noticed upon walking into Carmella's was the unmistakable and mouth-watering smell of aged imported cheese and cured meat. I breathed deeply and my expectations soared. This place is wonderful. The combination of the beautifully stocked pastry case, the swirling aromas, the tin ceiling, and dark wood trim brings to mind Little Italy in NYC. There are a half dozen or so small tables inside and two more out on the sidewalk. We chose a table in the middle of the dining area and opted to share a sfogliatelle and the Carmella's Classic. The Classic is an Italian sandwich made with prosciutto, Genoa salami, provolone, roasted red peppers, oil, and balsamic vinegar on a crisp Italian roll. Absolute perfection. I can honestly say that I would put this sandwich in the same league as those available at Cara Mia's in Dunmore and that, dear reader, is saying something.

The menu at Carmella's begins with a daily selection of freshly made soups. It also features a variety of salads ranging from garden salad to antipasto and a tempting item known as "Eugene's Famous", which consists of homemade fresh mozzarella, tomato, basil, onion, and lettuce finished with a balsamic vinaigrette. The Specialty Sandwich selection lists variously named creations featuring combinations of premium quality meats from roast beef, bologna, ham, and turkey, to Italian cuts such as sopressata, capicola, prosciutto, and hard salami. The available cheeses include the aforementioned fresh mozzarella, domestic Swiss, American, and an awesome provolone. The sandwiches are rounded out with the usual condiments in addition to high quality olive oil and Balsamic vinegar, roasted red peppers, hot or sweet pickled peppers, and hot cherry peppers. I am confident that I would have been happy with whatever I chose there today based on my experience with the Carmella's Classic.

The pastry case will most likely be the subject of a future post. As I mentioned before, Cuba and I shared a sfogliatelle. I have no idea where they get this stuff, but it was absolutely delicious. The pastry itself was buttery and crisp, similar to phyllo, and with a filling that was dense and sweet, but not too sweet, with a nice citrus note. It was so good that we bought two more to take as a gift for some friends that we were visiting later in the afternoon. Perhaps the most pleasant surprise I had today at Carmella's was the coffee. It was great. The menu features espresso, cappuccino, mocha, brewed coffee, hot chocolate, and tea. There is a sign in the window announcing that the place uses Starbuck's coffee. They take the preparation seriously, and it shows. In a town that seems to treat coffee as an afterthought, Carmella's can be solidly placed among the exceptions.

I highly recommend giving this place a try the next time you need to have a quick lunch or are in the mood for some really special pastries. Life is too short to settle for corporate donuts! We will be back soon. Oh... and I did manage to cut the grass.

Carmella's Italian Deli and Pastries
106 North Main Avenue
Scranton, PA 18504
(570) 969-2112

Bike Night Detour

Goy Gevalt and I found ourselves alone last night, and I decided I was in the mood for a hot date with the guy. So I dolled myself up a little and invited him to ride me…down to Wilkes Barre on the back of his bike. I know it makes him happy, so I figured I could indulge him.

As we were heading out, we saw a large…what do you call a bunch of bikers riding together? A gaggle of bikers? A posse of bikers? Whatever. We saw a bunch of guys on their Yamaha and Kawasaki sport bikes headed to Damon’s in Clarks Summit. No offense to those guys, but that style of bike and the guys who ride them seem like a very different sub-culture from the Harley and Indian riding crowd. I just don’t see the attraction. Anyway, we were just minutes from Damon’s, but no, I had committed to the ride to Wilkes Barre.

It was a lovely evening for a ride, and with my new helmet, I quite enjoyed it. I was surprised to see the big crowd at the Lone Star in Wilkes Barre. It seemed even bigger than the crowd at Damon’s, which is pretty darn big, if you ask me.

We hadn’t had any dinner, so we continued on past the Lone Star to The Chicken Coop. I had originally read about The Chicken Coop because, I believe, it was the destination of a bike ride for some local chapter of bikers. Anyway, if you are going to bike night in Wilkes Barre, either at The Lone Star or Outsiders, I recommend a detour to The Chicken Coop for a bite to eat.

The waitresses are very friendly and the food is great. I recommend the Cajun buffalo wings. They are amazing, and you won’t be disappointed if you are a connoisseur of wings. I wanted a Miller Chill to complement my meal (and to help make the ride home a little more bearable). I am somewhat embarrassed to say, I have come to quite enjoy the Miller Chill since I was introduced to it around Cinco de Mayo this year. Alas, The Chicken Coop didn’t have any Miller Chill but the waitress convinced me to try a Bud Lime. I was about as interested in a Budweiser beer as I am interested in a poke in the eye with a stick. But she was so genuine and such an excellent sales person, I was convinced to try one.

That beer was so freaking good; I can’t believe it. Try one the next time you have the opportunity, and let me know what you think. (If you are a wheat-beer kind of sissy girl, IPA purist, or some other sort of beer snob then don’t bother because I can imagine the kind of cruelties and name calling to which you will subject me.)

Goy Gevalt and I also shared the Manhattan sandwich, but since I’m not as clever at describing epicurean delights as he is, I will leave a description of that scrumptious sandwich to him.

What can I say about the Lone Star’s Bike Night? There were a lot of cool bikes there. I learned that the style of bike that I really like is a Heritage Soft-Tail. There was one lovely girl with bleached blonde hair, denim shorts, and silver stilettos. Goy described her as wearing “Daisy Dukes” and platforms. I guess that is what he wishes she were wearing, because those shorts weren’t nearly short enough to be considered “Daisy Dukes.” She was the most exciting thing I witnessed all night.

One more important thing about Bike Night that the ladies should know, especially those of you who are hesitant to come experience the event with your favorite biker: the rules of beauty are different at Bike Night. You are hot if you wear biker attire and only a little of it; even if you’re not the spring chicken you once were – those guys will LOVE you. And if you’re looking for a man that rides a bike, these events are shopping Meccas of men – not to be missed.

The Chicken Coop
533 Scott Street
Wilkes Barre, PA 18702
(570) 822-1899

Bar Review - The Bog

I was out riding this evening with a fellow motorcycle enthusiast who is going through a rough patch in his life. After an hour or so, we decided to make a pit stop to wet our whistles and enjoy some lively, albeit one-sided and unpleasant conversation. We decided to look for a quiet place and since there were only a few cars parked out front, and an available spot where we could back in our bikes right at the door, we settled on The Bog on Adams Avenue. I was really glad we did.

The Bog is located on what is trying to become a really "arty" block in Scranton and is more or less across the street from the apparently soon to be defunct art gallery/performance venue known as Test Pattern. Next door is a pretty good Thai restaurant named Thai Rak Thai, and The Unknown, a comic and gaming shop, is right across the street.

I know there has been a lot of controversy in Scranton, and the entire state for that matter, about the pros and cons of smoke-free eating and drinking establishments, but I must say it is a real pleasure to be able to enjoy a pint of Guinness without my senses having to give equal time to a second hand Newport or a Swisher Sweet smoldering in the ashtray next to me. Though I support smoke free restaurants, I generally side with the smokers with respect to bars. I can understand the allure of knocking a few back while enjoying a smoke and in fact have enjoyed many cigars myself in just that way. Tonight though, I really enjoyed my pint in The Bog which is, as you have already surmised, smoke free.

Smoking policy aside, there are many reasons to like this place. The juke box is one of the best in Scranton. Someone with really cool musical taste has put a huge amount of effort into loading it up with Reggae, Blues, and "hip classics" going back to the early 60s. A stage located in the front of the building is used for live performances. This evening however, with no entertainment scheduled, it housed a sofa that made for a great conversation area right at the window. A good selection of interesting draft and bottled import and micro-brewed beer is available at the bar which itself is spotlessly clean and manned by an attractive, friendly, and attentive staff. The crowd tonight night ranged from local hipsters, tattooed hotties, and students, to more straight laced types in for a beer and the great music before heading home. There are some interesting pieces of art hanging behind the bar and on some of the other walls. There were even flowers in bottles on the bar... nice touch.

I highly recommend The Bog and I myself am definitely going to have to give this place a visit on the weekend, or some other night when it is busier and perhaps there is some live entertainment.

The Bog

341 Adams Ave.

Scranton, PA 18503

(570) 341-6761

Shiver Me Timbers

I just had lunch at Bennigan's in Clarks Summit. I am not generally a fan of chain restaurants, but I quietly went along with a group who was determined to go there. I figured that I would review the place for lunch as it seems to be a fairly popular spot for people on break with a tight schedule. Well folks, I'm sorry, but I cannot give a decent review of the experience. The reason for this is that I can hardly remember what the food tasted like or how the service was because it was so damned COLD in there that I literally had to go to my car to get a fleece that has been in my trunk since January just to be able to tolerate sitting in the place. I watched four other patrons do the same thing. Come on, how hard is it to maintain a comfortable temperature? I asked the bartender and she said that people often complain. I love hearing that sort of thing. On the upside, I could probably have scratched glass with my nipples. Thanks for the stiff neck, maybe I'll come back in December.

Bennigan's
821 Northern Boulevard
South Abington Township, PA 18411
(570) 586-1223

UPDATE: Bennigan's in Clarks Summit is now Charlie's, and Charlies is good.

The Agonizing Death of a Windows Devotee

I want to begin by saying that I am a Microsoft Certified VB programmer and use Microsoft products on a daily basis in my work. I am intimately familiar with Microsoft's various Operating Systems, Exchange Server, SQL Server, and many others. What I am about to say is not to be taken to diminish in any way the huge advances that Microsoft has made in the computer industry. Microsoft sets the standard with such products as MS Word, MS Access, and MS Excel to be sure, but I can say with utter certainty that I will never again buy another Windows based PC.

Several events have lead me to this inexorable conclusion. The first is that I purchased a MacBook a few months ago when they became available with the Intel chip. I did this because it would be possible for me to run Windows XP on the MacBook thereby allowing me to use the one system to utilize the fantastic design applications available for Macs without losing the ability to use Access, SQL server management consoles, and other tools in the Microsoft environment. Admittedly, I was skeptical at first, but I must say that I very quickly fell in love with OS X Leopard, the Operating System with which my Macbook shipped. I found myself using Windows XP less and less. I became intoxicated by the freedom to surf with near impunity, without regard for viruses, browser hijackers, or other types of mal-ware. I was amazed that when I did run into problems with the XP installation I was running on my Mac, they were simply erased by going to a previous "snapshot" using the Parallels utility that allowed me to run Windows from within OS X. I have tried to use Microsoft's "System Restore" to correct problems on more than one occasion only to find that the virus had managed to penetrate the backup and come back unaffected by the "restore". If Microsoft could employ a similar utility as that offered by Parallels snapshots, they would improve their reliability tenfold.

Secondly, I began seriously working with Ubuntu, which is a version of Linux that is quite user friendly, installs easily on most PCs, and feels a lot like Windows XP. It does require more command line work when installing some drivers and applications, but it is not nearly as vulnerable to viruses as Windows and there are tons of applications available that are amazingly powerful and absolutely free. Try looking at The Gimp for Adobe Photoshop-like performance and OpenOffice, an MS Office alternative, for a taste of what is out there.

The next factor in my conversion was that a close friend, a very computer savvy, very careful Windows XP user, managed to pick up a system crashing virus that caused her to lose a days use of her PC and incur a significant bill in the process of ridding the PC of the offending viruses. She complained to me of how careful she had been and how much of this she has seen in her office. She regaled me with tales of officemates with poisoned MSN Messenger applications, grindingly slow system speeds, bogus email attachments, endless pop-ups from ad ware, etc. It occurred to me that I don't even THINK about that stuff anymore. I can remember surfing on my XP machine with hyper-vigilance, I don't do that any more and I don't miss it.

Finally, I had to ship my MacBook back to Apple for a simple repair of a tiny crack that developed in the case which was covered under warantee. In order to work while it is away being repaired, I have had to use my old XP laptop and I am experiencing genuine separation anxiety. I miss the blissful disregard for the unseen pitfalls of the Internet. I can't wait for the MacBook's return.

I am not going to say that Linux or Mac users have nothing to fear whatsoever from malicious code because that would be irresponsible. What I am saying however is that either of these systems is more safe, secure, uses fewer resources, and ultimately costs MUCH less than a Windows machine. I will also say that I have personally seen kids render an XP machine useless in just minutes of unsupervised Internet use. I have a daughter that has repeatedly, and of course unintentionally, infected her XP laptop, even though the machine was "protected" with anti-virus software and spyware software. Over the course of a year I had to reinstall the OS three times and only then after she endured weeks of ever diminishing performance. She has now been using a Mac G4 running OS X for five months and it is as fast, reliable, and problem free as the day I set it up for her. She hasn't lost any of her files and I haven't wasted any more time formatting hard drives and reinstalling XP and its countless updates.

I have listened for years to Mac-heads, Linux-lovers and other geeks, nerds, dweebies, and dorks telling me how Windows was a bloated, unsecure, wildly expensive, and high maintenance operating system. I defended Microsoft tooth and nail. I fought back with such excuses as "there isn't much software available for those OS's", "Windows is targeted by hackers because of its popularity", and of course "Macs are way too expensive!" I foolishly raged against the socialist evils of "open source" computing. It is with sincere humility that I admit that I was wrong. I had drunk of the Kool-Aid as they say. I hope all you nerds have mercy on me. You were right. OK? There... Now leave me alone.

Beer Lovers Rejoice!

Praise the Lord and pass the Corona! Wegman's of Dickson City got a liquor license. Through some miraculous maneuvering around Pennsylvania's archaic and incomprehensible liquor laws, it is now possible to get take-out six packs or, dare I even say it, enjoy a cold one with your lunch in Wegman's cafe. In order to accomplish this, the store had to more or less completely separate the restaurant area from the grocery store. They did this by setting up some waist high portable wrought iron partitions. Absurd, but obviously effective, this measure was deemed necessary to satisfy the PLCB regulations. I long for the day where, like in almost every other state in the country, Pennsylvanians can pick out the perfect cabernet to go with the rest of the painstakingly selected ingredients of their meals without having to leave the market. Though the beer selection was impressive, I only noticed a couple of wine choices, neither of which interested me. Eventually even the Berlin Wall fell, we can only hope that the PLCB ultimately awaits the same fate. Well done Wegman's!

Got the Tank Fillin' Blues...

$4.00 per gallon gas is kicking my ass.  I spend a lot of time in my car for work and log at least 500 miles a week. I drive a little Toyota and often wonder how people with big SUVs and pickups are managing. Apparently they aren't managing well at all. In fact, today GM announced it is closing 4 plants that produce some of its least fuel efficient behemoths and CEO Rick Wagoner said GM is reviewing its Hummer brand and could sell the military-derived SUV line, which has become synonymous with gas-guzzling excess and has hurt GM's image at a time when consumers are demanding more fuel efficiency. Good riddance.

I stumbled upon this site that tracks the cheapest and most expensive gasoline prices in the area. There is a pretty wide swing between the lowest and highest price. Check it out and save a few bucks. 

Restaurant Review - The Eatery by Jessica

June is a wonderful month in Northeast Pennsylvania. The temperature is warm but not yet hot and winter isn't so far behind us that we forget how long, cold and miserable it was. I was filled with appreciation for the natural beauty of the day this morning as CubaSugar and I made our way up the valley towards Jessup for a visit to one of our favorite breakfast spots, The Eatery by Jessica. This is the second time in as many weeks that we have found ourselves in Jessup. Last week's celebration of the annual Saint Ubaldo Day festival was a lot of fun and we participated whole heartedly in the festivities. I am working on an article about that day and it may find it's way onto the blog shortly. What better recipe for fun than a centuries old Italian tradition mixed with the taste and smells of excellent  food and all liberally lubricated with alcohol. Good times indeed my friends....good times indeed.

So back to this morning. We have been to Jessica's dozens of times and knew that that was precisely where we wanted to go today. The restaurant was originally located in Archbald but moved a few years ago to its current Hill Street location. Jessica's has a large dining room with a counter and no booths, but perhaps twenty tables ranging from 2 tops to some accommodating groups of 12 or more. The atmosphere is fine for a breakfast place. It is cheerful and bright. The entire front of the room opens to a window and the art and wall hangings tend toward the "country kitchen" style with a few old photographs thrown in to make it a bit more interesting. The kitchen is completely isolated from the dining area with the exception of a small pass through window where the food appears to be delivered by the attentive waitresses. I have never been to Jessicas's  during the week, but the weekend clientele seems to be made up primarily of local families from the surrounding area. If you cringe at the thought of eating with young families and their kids around, this might not be the best place for you, but the excellent food and service really make it worthwhile.

The regular menu ranges from the usual and some unusual egg dishes to items such as chocolate stuffed French toast (w/ whipped cream), cinnamon raisin French toast, and waffles of several varieties including plain, walnut, banana nut, chocolate chip and the Patriotic Waffle ala mode (topped with ice cream, blueberries, strawberries and whipped cream. The best part about eating at Jessica's Eatery, however, is the creative and widely varied selection of off-menu specials. We have enjoyed any number of wonderful breakfast creations dreamed up by the kitchen staff during our many visits there. The specials cater to a wide variety of tastes appealing to both adults and kids. Our selection this morning consisted of a chorizo scramble for me and poached eggs with scrapple for the lovely CubaSugar. We shared a side of potatoes Calabrese which consisted of home fries prepared with spicy and delicious peppers and onions. The chorizo scramble was prepared with eggs, cheddar cheese, green onions, mexican sausage and herbs all served over a few silver dollar sized potato pancakes. It was quite good but perhaps a tad dry for my taste. A little bit of salsa would have been just the thing to finish off this dish. The coffee, although a little better than one is accustomed to being served at similar establishments was lackluster and unremarkable. CubaSugar, who as I said bravely chose scrapple with her poached eggs, enjoyed her meal immensely. The scrapple was well prepared possessing both a light golden crust and a smooth savory interior, true porky perfection. Her poached eggs were properly done and were complemented nicely by rye toast. In past visits some of the standouts we remember as being very good have been the Eggs Florentine, the Eggs Benedict, and the biscuits with sausage gravy.

I would be remiss in my responsibility as an unbiased reviewer not to mention just how reasonably ... oh Im just going to say it... cheap it is to have a great breakfast at this place. Our meals with our extra side of potatoes Calabrese and coffee was just over $16.00 total. It would be difficult for a couple with normal appetites to spend twenty dollars in this place. The quality of the meals in combination with the cheerful and efficient service provide an experience that I for one would be willing to pay significantly more for.  The friendly demeanor of the waitresses as well as fact that I see the same faces time after time would suggest that the staff are happy with their jobs and enjoy working there. I truly believe that Jessica's is one of the best diner type breakfast venue's in our area and it is well worth your time to head on over to Jessup one of these mornings. Jessica's does not take reservations and is a busy place so go early. You will be rewarded with a superior meal at prices that will let you treat the entire family. If only Jessica's served Zummo's coffee the place would be perfect. Thank you Jessica!

The Eatery by Jessica
801 Hill Street
Jessup, PA 18434
(570) 489-1080

Bike Night in Northeast PA

It’s Tuesday night, which means it's “Bike Night” in Northeast PA. If you or your significant other own a motorcycle and live within driving distance of Wilkes Barre, then you know what I mean.

Ok well maybe it is Bike Night at my house. Apparently there are multiple nights when one can drive their big surrogate you-know-what to some bar where they hope they will see scantily clad girls that they can pretend are real sluts who need it “bad.” And your man is just the guy to give it to them, not that he will. He just likes to think they are checking him out and thinking that they wish they could have him. And why wouldn’t the girls be thinking that? I mean he just drove in there on his Super Cool Man Machine! What’s not to want?!

You know that in real life your guy is actually an accountant, but on Bike Night he is transformed. He’s a Hell’s Angel. And you, if you are nice enough to go with him, you become Pamela Anderson. And not just any Pamela Anderson, Pamela Anderson as we know her in the infamous Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson Internet video – the ultimate Bike Goddess.

If you don’t go with him, you also know what you are; you are a Bike Night Widow. A Bike Night Widow is a lot like a Golf Widow. I’m a Bike Night Widow most Tuesday nights when the weather is good. Who really wants to sit on the back of a Harley all the way down to Wilkes Barre from Scranton? Not me.

Being a Bike Night Widow has its perks. For instance, all that time alone gave me the opportunity to start this blog. Also, Bike Night could be (not that I’ve done this yet but just thinking about it makes me happy) a night where you watch chick flicks and eat ice cream without your man looking sideways at you causing you to be aware of his fears about how that ice cream is going to make you feel fat, which is going to put a damper on your sex life, which as you know is his number one priority.

As you will recall from my “Produce Aisle Posturing” entry, I have a vivid imagination, and I do enjoy making up stories. And seeing as most nights I don’t actually attend Bike Night, what I write here is a representation of what I imagine is happening at Bike Night. And, if I didn’t think my kid might read this, I could really give you some juicy details…but alas, I can’t.

In a future entry, I promise to review some of these places. Maybe I’ll even tell you the true story of the Ladies Hot Dog Eating Contest that I once witnessed, which consists of trying to bite a hot dog that is hanging from a string as you ride by it on the back of your man’s bike. This experience is especially entertaining when the girls wear mini skirts and thongs for the big event, which a LOT of them do (not surprisingly).

Here is a list of establishments that sponsor Bike Nights in our area. If you want to be added to the list or you have a suggestion of a place that should be on the list, please email me.

Kildare’s in Scranton - Mondays
Outsiders Saloon, Inc. in Wilkes Barre – Tuesdays
Quaker Steak and Lube in Dickson City - Wednesdays
Damon’s in Clarks Summit – Thursdays
Lone Star in Wilkes Barre - Thursdays
Bentleys in Ashley (2300 Routh 309) - Sundays July 26 and Aug 2, 2009 from 2 to 8 pm
Spurs in Pittston - Sundays

Um...yeah

I was reading the blogs of some of my fellow Northeastern Pennsylvanians this evening and I came across these ramblings. It is really funny. The blogger claims to be a bible thumping octogenarian and  "moral compass for her neighborhood".  The entries are really entertaining. When I read the one where she recounts her leaving Ex-Lax out for a candy stealing retarded kid to find in church, I became quickly convinced that it is a joke. In any case it is a funny diversion in an Archie Bunker sort of way. 

Restaurant Review - Mother's Table

Today was the kind of Sunday made for sleeping in, which is exactly what I did. Allowing myself the rare luxury of a gradual emergence from my bed, I got my fill of Paige Davis and TLC'c Trading Spaces on television and decided it was time to think about getting some late breakfast. I have never been one to eat alone if I can avoid it, so I gathered up two willing accomplices and headed out with no real destination in mind. I decided to drive up Penn Avenue by the Marquee Cinemas at the Steamtown Mall to see if anything perked my interest in the way of a late afternoon movie and there, on the right, I saw Mother's Table and decided that it might be divine providence that we should have our long awaited breakfast there...it wasn't.

The decor in Mother's is really cool I must say. It is interesting, kitschy, and retro but in a genuine and tasteful way. There are plants here and there, interesting photos, prints and objets d'art, all complemented by pleasant subdued lighting. The gentleman who greeted us at the door inquired as to the number in our party, promptly bussed a table in the window which had been recently vacated, and sat us. I was really happy with our table and we perused our menus and chatted as we took in the bounty of sights, in the way of decor and clientele, that populated the place.

A few minutes passed and our waitress appeared. She, whom I shall henceforth refer to as Hilda, had that "I have way too many tables so don't expect much from me thank you very much" look about her and she apologized for the wait and took our complete order. The breakfast menu was pretty standard fare from which I chose a ham, cheese and mushroom omelet and my friends had a fried baloney, egg and cheese on a hardroll and a short stack of blueberry pancakes with a sausage patty. Much to my surprise, Hilda invited the two of us that ordered breakfast platters to visit the buffet area to help ourselves to fruit, danish, or homefries. Here, dear reader, is where the train came off of the rails.

I walked up to the buffet area looking forward to a bit of danish and fruit. There was a large bowl of canned peaches combined with fresh melon, a chafing pan full of potatoes, a tray of portioned danish, and not a plate or bowl in sight. No problem... I asked Hilda where the plates were and she said she would get us some, but alas it was not to be.

I went back to my table rather than stand in the middle of the crowded dining room and figured I'd remind Hilda when she brought our food. I was then asked a question that no one wants to hear during a Sunday breakfast outing; "Does this cream smell OK to you?" It didn't, It wasn't. Surely, I thought, Hilda will be here momentarily to sort this all out. Minutes dragged by, my friends unable to drink their polluted coffees. After way too long, I got up, determined to find if not Hilda, then anyone to get us new coffees and oh yeah, the plates for the buffet, although my appetite was already heading south fast.

I asked another waitress who cheerfully and quickly produced a stack of plates for the buffet just as I saw Hilda heavily laden down with our orders, heading for our table. I took the opportunity to grab a few danish and some fruit for the table and heard the woman who brought the plates to the buffet ask Hilda, who had by now delivered our orders, "Did they tell you about their coffees?" She replied that yes, she had been told. That was the last we saw of Hilda during our visit. No "How is everything?", no "May I freshen your coffee?", not even so much as a glance. Perhaps she was out having a smoke.

In all fairness, I want to say that the food was fine. The omelet was ample, freshly made and well presented. The sandwich was only okay (the egg was a bit rubbery), but the homefries were excellent. The blueberry pancakes were quite nice and the portions were adequate without going overboard, but the coffee was mediocre at best. Honestly, in the world of diners up and down the valley, with a few notable exceptions, there is not a tremendous amount of variation in menu. The most effective means of setting one establishment apart form another is in the area of service.

Mothers really has a lot going for it. The physical space is great, the food quality is fine, the price is fantastic, and they do seem to try to offer a little more than the usual, the fruit and danish bar being an example. The lunch and dinner menus were very interesting too and may well be worth a try at some time in the future, but Mothers however, at least judging by this morning's experience, is hamstrung by the waitstaff. I am not sure if it is a training issue or just the wrong people trying to do the job, but it should be addressed by the owners. I know it is difficult to attract and keep quality employees, but the many local eateries that offer excellent service provided by a pleasant, well groomed wait staff bear testimony that it is possible. Come on Mothers, you can do it! We are rooting for you.

Mother's Table
117 Penn Avenue
Scranton, PA 18503
(570) 969-0260

Restaurant Review - Atami Sushi

Clarks Summit has a brand new sushi bar. Atami Sushi is located next to Gerrity's supermarket in the strip mall off of Winola Road at Old Lackawanna Trail. I was having a light workday today so I asked a friend to join me for lunch at this new spot. It was pouring rain, and I was happy to see a parking space right in front of the door. As one might expect in a new restaurant (that as far as I know hasn't even announced its presence outside of hanging a sign) there were only about eight other patrons seated in the place when we walked in.

I have to hand it to the folks that opened this place. My guess is that they are working on a tight budget, but they are sure making the most of it. There is a lovely new sushi bar on the left as you walk in and just a handful of tables on the right. I noticed the cool track lighting over the sushi bar and another track, as yet with no lights in the middle of the dining room. The walls are freshly painted alternately in deep blue and mango tones, giving the place a funky feel, but there is nothing hanging on the walls to break up the vast blank expanses. I am sure that the abundance of empty space on both the walls and in the dining room will fill up over time as the restaurant establishes itself, and I have no doubt that it will do just that. Atami does not have a liquor license, and you are encouraged to BYOB as the sign on the window suggests.

We took up our positions at the sushi bar and both ordered from the lunch special menu which was reasonably priced in the $8.00 to $12.00 range. My lunch consisted of a choice of miso soup or salad (I chose salad), a sushi roll which I selected from the generous assortment available for the special (I chose spicy yellowtail roll), and three pieces of nigiri which were "chef's choice". Not surprisingly, these turned out to be tuna, yellowtail, and salmon, which was just fine with me. My friend ordered the two roll lunch special and opted for the miso soup over the salad. Her roll selections were the Tokyo roll and the ebiten roll. We both ordered hot green tea as our beverage and eagerly awaited the arrival of our first course.

The miso and salad arrived very quickly and were fine. The salad had a dressing that was a little different from the usual overpowering and heavily applied ginger variety found at some of the other sushi venues in the area. It was milder and had a pleasant orangey tone to it. Judging from the uniqueness and consistency of the dressing, I might guess that it was made in house. Beyond the dressing, the salad was unremarkable. It consisted of the usual iceberg, shredded carrot, and tomato, with a few bits of red cabbage tossed in for color. The miso soup however was quite good. It was lighter in color than one is used to getting in our area and well flavored with both the seaweed and miso shining through pleasantly. There was a generous amount of diced tofu and the soup was the perfect temperature.

Of the three rolls we sampled, the best one was the spicy yellowtail. It was made of finely minced fish blended with a peppery sauce and rolled with (I think) a bit of bonito flake and finished with a sprinkling of sesame seed. It was a bit hotter than I am used to in a spicy roll but I really, really liked it. Our next favorite was the ebiten roll which featured tempura shrimp, avocado, cucumber, and a delightful sauce that was a hit in both flavor and texture. Last, and in this case least, was the Tokyo roll. I can't say it was bad, but even now, just an hour after tasting it, I can't clearly remember what it was like. It was utterly unremarkable. Perhaps it was because we had some pretty flavorful offerings on the plate competing with it, but the Tokyo roll did not impress, and I will almost certainly not order it again. The nigiri sushi was very good in each case. The rice was superb and the amount was in perfect proportion to the size of the fish. I am always disappointed by a tiny morsel of fish on a huge wad of rice. The fish itself was beautifully smooth and even in texture and possessing an excellent fresh taste.

Though it doesn't have the ambience, yet, of its more well established competition and lacks a liquor license, I think that Atami Sushi is here to stay. I highly recommend giving Atami a try for lunch or perhaps for dinner before heading out to the bar or club on the weekend. You will leave satisfied, particularly if the quality of the food is what is really important to you.

Atami Sushi
100 Old Lackawanna Trl
Clarks Summit, PA 18411
(570) 585-1250

Produce Aisle Posturing

In the afternoon of Sunday, May 4, 2008, I happened to be doing some grocery shopping at Wegman’s in Dickson City. As I rounded out of the fruit and vegetable section into the baked goods, I bumped into Judge Munley and his wife, whom I have seen there together on several occasions. (I think it is very nice that he accompanies his wife to the store.) She is a lovely woman who, even though she is no longer a spring chicken, when you see her, you still think, “Va va voom!”

I like to make up stories about people in my head. And seeing the judge and his wife always elicits the same story line. I imagine that she is the judge’s second wife. And when I see her, I can’t help but think about his first wife. So when I see them, I always feel a little sad. I hope the first Mrs. Munley (if she exists) isn’t still bitter about the divorce.

Then a few minutes later I spotted Judge Minora shopping alone. He didn’t appear to be doing much shopping. I think all he had in his cart was a bunch of Pellegrino. I don’t know ANYTHING about him, but I made up a story anyway. He is sort of a handsome fellow, not too old, still in his prime. I imagine a man of his stature, position in life, and good looks really gets around with the ladies. And after he entertains one of his lady friends, he probably offers them a refreshing Pellegrino. I know I would be delighted and impressed.

Speaking of the ladies, a little later I noticed Judge Minora chatting with the mayor’s wife, Mrs. Doherty, in another corner of the store. The mayor’s wife, for those of you who haven’t seen her in person, is cute like a pixie and charming. I’m guessing she is bright, as well. I don’t actually know her (or any of these people for that matter).

So there she is talking with our debonair Judge Minora, which should inspire one as imaginative as me to suddenly hear a refrain from Dan Fogelberg’s song, “Same Old Lang Syne:”

“Met my old lover in the grocery store
The snow was falling Christmas eve
I stole behind her in the frozen foods
And I touched her on the sleeve.”

But it didn’t.

There was no chemistry between them, so I couldn’t make up a good story about them.

All those politicos in one place got me thinking. What were they all doing there together? Was it coincidence? My intuition tells me it was not.

I mean, obviously they were all grocery shopping, but what were the chances that they were all there at the same time? Now mind you, I haven’t gone back to test my hypothesis. But I suspect they all go on Sunday afternoons to take advantage of a secret discount for county and city workers that we know nothing about.

Sunday Morning Hero

If you ever want to score some huge points with your significant other or any one else who may still be lingering around your place on a Sunday morning, show off your mad cooking skills by whipping up a fresh quiche for breakfast. Quiche is one of those foods that you see in restaurants or on brunch buffets but no one ever seems to make it at home. It is time to demystify this dish once and for all. In truth, it couldn't be easier to make.

Begin with a refrigerated pie crust from your grocer's dairy section. I find Pillsbury to be a brand that  yields flavorful and consistent results. I like to make these in 9 inch glass pie plates, but foil ones work fine too if you want to send the leftovers home with one of the guests.  Before you get started, preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Unroll the dough and form it into the un-greased pie plate. If you want to decoratively pinch the edges of the crust then by all means knock yourself out.

The filling starts with an egg and cream base known as “royale” in some circles. Basically you need to use one egg per half cup of heavy cream, or light cream if you must. Typically, a nine inch quiche will need three eggs and therefore one and one half cups of cream. Mix these together well by hand, I use a regular fork to do this. To the mix, you should now add a little bit of nutmeg, just a shake or two is fine, fresh grated is even better, and some black pepper.

The rest of the filling is entirely up to your imaginaton so long as it amounts to about 2 cups of volume. Some of the combinations I have added to the crust before I pour in the royale have been:

• ½ pound well cooked and crumbled bacon, ½  of a 10 oz package of thawed frozen spinach which has had as much of the water squeezed out as possible, and ¾ cup grated swiss. (Quiche Lorraine)
• ¾ cup cooked flaked salmon, leftover is perfect, ½ package of cream cheese in small pieces, and as much sauteed mushrooms and/or onions as you'd like.
• 1 bunch of asparagus, woody ends removed, cut into 1 inch pieces and ½ cup, at least, of grated parmesan cheese stirred into the royale. I use Locatelli brand. Then finish by sprinkling about another 2 tbsp on the top.

Place the quiche into the oven and about 40 minutes later, give or take a few depending on the fillings used, it is done. The finished quiche will rise up a bit and brown somewhat. You can test for doneness with a toothpick or knife in the center. It should come out clean. Let it cool, during which time it will drop down again and enjoy it either warm or cold. You can literally use almost anything for the filling, broccoli and cheddar cheese, or perhaps ham, onions and american. The list is limitless and leftovers work great. Give it a try, enjoy, and let us know how you made out.

Cafe Review - Zummo's

Located in what was once a neighborhood store and shoe repair shop, Zummo's Cafe is now buzzing with an excellent assortment of Electric City Roasting Company's coffee and the aficionados that it attracts. The cafe, which can be quite busy at times is a welcome alternative to the mediocrity of the “Starbucks experience”.

Other than the high quality coffees, what sets Zummo's apart is the food. The talented kitchen staff turns out regular menu items like the egg and sausage biscuit sandwich, a fantastic chicken salad pita, and a variety of sweet baked goods. The rest of the menu can be best described as an ever-changing variation on consistent themes. There is always a quiche of some kind, an interesting assortment of salads, and frequently very creatively composed panini sandwiches. The candy-counter feel of the cash register area is a big hit with kids who can often be seen successfully convincing their parents of their need for that cookie, or bag of “penny candy”.

Once you have your cup of joe in hand, you can find a comfortable spot in the newly expanded seating area. By building a connection to the adjacent building, the owner, Mary Tellie has created a welcoming space to enjoy your coffee, engage in conversation, get a little work done by utilizing their free WiFi access, or sit on the front porch and bask in the glory of a Green Ridge morning. The seating area features some very comfortable antique upholstered pieces and a number of tables. The chairs, wickery types, unfortunately seem to have been chosen exclusively for looks without regard for comfort or durability. A very nice feature of the dining area is the cupping bar, where on Saturday mornings at 10:30am as well as other scheduled times Ms. Tellie shares her considerable knowledge of the venerable bean by hosting free side by side tastings, or cuppings as they are known in the industry, to help nurture the budding discernment of the more dedicated devotees.

While the unadulterated espresso, the world-class coffee produced by the Clover machine, and even the drip house blends are excellent, I would be remiss not to address an issue regarding other coffee concoctions. The key to blended coffee beverages at a great cafe is consistency. Today's double shot latte should taste just like yesterday's, which should have tasted just like the one you enjoyed last week. It is in this area that Zummo's hasn't quite found its legs. Though the majority of the baristas are well-trained and superb java jockeys, there are a few from whom I will never attempt ordering a latte again. If however you are fortunate enough to be served by Rachel, Lisa, Maggie, Tracy Ann or Mary herself, you will be rewarded with a fantastic drink that will make you forget any other cafe around.

So the next time you are craving caffeine and are tempted to hit the Starbucks drive-thru, don't give in to the marketing hype. Go straight to Zummo's for a refreshing and delicious diversion from the usual grind.

Zummo's Cafe
918 Marion St
Scranton, PA 18509-2314
(570) 344-2715

Restaurant Review - Farr Street Tavern

Though they aren't exactly what most people think of when they hear the words “buffalo wings”, the peppery, tomatoey beauties served up at the Farr Street Tavern in West Scranton's Tripp's Park neighborhood will win over even the most stalwart of Buffalo purists. It should also be noted that in addition to a unique and flavorful sauce, Farr Street Tavern's wings are consistently cooked to perfection. It has been our experience that unlike Farr Street, many of the usual “wing nights” around town often sacrifice quality and consistency to meet the increase in demand. What, if anything, is worse than undercooked, flabby wings? .... shiver me timbers.

Additional noteworthy menu items are the burgers, which beat any of the offerings at the so called gourmet burger chains popping up on Commerce Boulevard, and the outstanding steak fries.

So the next time you decide to make it a “wing night”, go off the beaten path and try something new. Enjoy the game, order up some wings and a cold one, and leave a nice tip. Farr Street Tavern is a great find.

Farr Street Tavern
1601 Farr St.
Scranton, PA 18504

UPDATE: Farr Street allows smoking so with the new laws you can't take your kids in there anymore. We go early to avoid the cloud of smoke that hangs in the air after 8pm or so.

Restaurant Review - Don Lucho

UPDATE: DON LUCHO'S HAS CLOSED

Thank goodness for Don Lucho on North Main Avenue! As far as I know, this restaurant is the only one in Scranton that serves food from Central America. They have done a beautiful job decorating the place. It is so colorful and festive, one can't help but be in a good mood when there. We have eaten at Don Lucho's twice and really enjoyed our authentic meals. I think we had the Bandera Colombiana for dinner one night and the Desayuno Hondureno for breakfast on another day. Both were excellent. The couple that runs the place know how to provide good customer service, too. If you live in Scranton, I highly recommend giving the place a try. It would be great to see this venture succeed. Plus, where else can you go for Huevos Rancheros on a Sunday morning when you're really craving them?

EDIT ******Aug 19, 2008****** There has been an "on vacation" sign in Don Lucho's window now for several weeks. This place may be closed.

Acadero Don Lucho
309 North Main Avenue
Scranton, PA 18504
(570) 341-7770

UPDATE: Don Lucho's is gone...

Bookmobile Confessional

This morning we saw the Lackawanna Bookmobile rumbling down Keyser Avenue. Being jam-packed with books, this vehicle is just full of potential. But instead of feeling the sense of excitement that one should feel in the presence of such opportunity, my friend turned to me and said somewhat quietly and with an air of shame, "The Bookmobile."

Apparently my friend and I both have that same childhood guilt lingering around reminding us of the humiliation we felt as we paid the late fee for that very-overdue-library book, or (dare I admit it?) for the book that we didn't manage to return at all. When we see the shiny white Lackawanna Bookmobile bus, it conjures up images of desperately hunting through the house for a missing book, that finally shows up months later under your bed. Or maybe you accidentally got the library book wet and hopelessly tried to dry it, only to have each of the pages crinkle in their own unique direction. As a consequence of our early Library Misadventures, libraries and that darn bookmobile have the effect of making us very uncomfortable.

So I had this idea, for a traveling confessional to help remove this guilt and allow children and adults throughout our area to once again feel joy when they see the Bookmobile, instead of a sense of dread. The confessional could be pulled along on a trailer behind the bookmobile. Before returning that overdue book or before applying for a library card, one could meet with the priest on call.

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been 18 years since I signed out this book."
"That will be $42.55 and two Hail Mary's. I absolve you. Go in peace."

I think Bishop Martino might want to think about implementing this plan. I think it could bring about a revival both in the Church and in libraries throughout the area.